Newport News, 2016 in the winter.
Apparently, a good night’s rest is not meant for this guy. As I smoked what I thought was my last cig of the night, I heard a horrible roaring grumble come bellowing from the little wooded area across from my apartment. Sounded like a Rottweiler chewing on Satan’s scrotum, with the devil replying in kind. Very threatening, and not the most pleasant noise that’s ever been aimed at me.
I looked around and no one was there… no idiots walking their dogs or anything. So, instead of doing what a normal person would do, like say… going back inside to go to the bathroom as I originally had planned, ol’ Uncle Drew got armed. Grabbed my revolver, unsheathed my knife, and with flashlight in hand, I treaded into the woods, ready for war. I don’t like random creatures interrupting my evening, so I figured I’d go have a talk with it. Yes, I am a crazy person.
I watched for any glistening of light from the eyes of my prey, whatever the hell it was, but none was to be seen. I got deeper in, and really had to go to the bathroom, but was not about to let this threat go unchallenged. The smell was atrocious and getting stronger the deeper into the woods I went, so I was intrigued.
Finally, my foot hit a branch, making a crackle, and I heard a lumbering noise and whatever it was ran away deeper into the nothingness, knocking bushes around as it tussled off. I could have sworn I saw the reflection of eyes about 7 feet above the ground in the vicinity… but the truth of that is lost to time.
I was upset, as I really wanted to fight it. However I was also relieved, as I still really had to go to the bathroom, and I don’t know if my quarry would be carrying a roll of two-ply with it.
So I traipsed back home and did that. That’s how you know you’re old… when taking a dump means more to you than conquering a possibly formidable adversary. Sigh… I can live with that. It was a nice poop.
Was it the legendary Sasquatch? A moose? Rabid deer? Who knows? I never heard that noise again after that day, but the neighbors that I spoke to the next day heard it that night as well… and none of us had a clue what the heck had come into our area… but we figured we’d just call it a Bigfoot, because that’s much more fun to believe. 🙂
