This one is from back in 2016 or so… a recollection of the last time I got married, or at least my preferred option for such a horrible thing to do. 🙂
I was just talking to my neighbor Tony, and we were discussing marriage. It brought back some memories about my last fiasco, and one that even he couldn’t believe. As everyone who knows my hopefully, possibly, very ex-wife realizes, she spends a lot of money (especially when it’s someone else’s), so I couldn’t afford a marriage license. However, I’m a trooper, and I’ll fight for what someone else wants, and she wanted to get married on my birthday, because I told her that I wouldn’t do it otherwise. So, time was of the essence…. and I found a loophole.
My pals up at the convenience store were doing their thing, and I was hanging with them, as their company was preferable to the psychosis going on at home. I mentioned that I wasn’t able to get the marriage license, and without missing a beat, Other Drew said in the calmest way “I’ll marry you. I’m an ordained minister.”
After my obvious spit-take, I of course needed to know more… turns out that there is a religion based on the movie The Big Lebowski called “Dude-ism”. Yes… that’s a thing. For free, you can become an ordained minister of this sect, and you can legally get people married… as long as the rug ties the room together, man. And Other Drew signed up for this. That Slurpy Peddler can get you married while you pump up on tank 12 without breaking a sweat.
I looked into it, and it’s true, so I brought this up to the frau… she was unimpressed until I showed her the website, and I almost got her to do that. Almost. But then, I’m used to not getting what I want. I wanted us to be wearing Viking Helmets at the wedding… my brother Tim and our pal Jody were all ready to make the things… but once again, the woman hesitated. I should have seen this as a sign.
So there ya go, folks. I almost got married by a Dude-ist Priest. That’s something I will never forget, even if the marriage itself is happily forgotten for the most part. Here’s a link to their site: https://dudeism.com/ … get ordained, people. There are Caucasians involved! (If you haven’t seen the movie, none of that will make sense. I don’t care.) 🙂
