I did not get the chance to type this one up last night, but I got to wander in the Ghetto, and of course, it became a minor adventure. That seems to happen to me a lot… but it gives me something to write about.
I was taking a break from dancing like an old white man, and Bean texted me about how cool the moon looked. Hence, I went to go see for myself… but it was hiding. Buildings were in my way, so I started on a trek to find the thing. My only clue was that it was in the sky somewhere, but I would not be deterred.
After wandering off the beaten path of drunk people, angry drunk people, high people and beggars for a bit, I finally thought I saw the moon. So, this doddering old fool is walking into a bad part of town while staring at his phone trying to figure out how to text Bean with “I found it”, when my Cracker Sense™ went off… the natives had become restless, for they were many, they were black folks, whereas I was alone and most certainly not.
The neighborhood regulars always seem to figure that out for some unknown reason, so their appointed guardian came to discuss this matter with me, rather aggressively. In the old days, I would have just cut a swath of blood and bruises through them, but I don’t like doing that anymore… so I instead reverted to my best defensive posture… being totally oblivious, slightly confused, and not scared in any sort of way. The nice thing is that I am all of those things anyway… and the people of The Ghetto don’t know how to deal with someone like me. One of the guys walked up, and here was our conversation:
GOTG (Guardian of the Ghetto): “Yo, homes! Whatchoo doin’ out dis way?!”
Uncle Drew: “Oh, hi. Just looking for the moon.”
GOTG: “The moon? **heiiiiit. Why you lookin’ for da moon, man?”
Uncle Drew: “Because she told me to.”
GOTG: “Who she be?”
Uncle Drew: “She be Bean. Oh, there it is! Ain’t that neat?”
GOTG: “Bean? The hell’s a ‘Bean’?!”
Uncle Drew: “They are sometimes served with rice, and occasionally tell me to look at the moon.”
GOTG (laughing): “Man, you a crazy ****! ****….”
I just looked at him and smiled, saying “Yes, I know…. anyway.”
GOTG: “So man, I be lookin’ for gas, dawg… think you could help a brother out?”
Uncle Drew: “Me too. I think I’ll eat some beans. You should as well. Have a nice night, and enjoy the moon.”
With that, I walked away, while the guy and his homies just stared in awe at whatever the hell had just happened… they did not know how to react. Just as I had planned. In my youth, I left writhing bodies in my wake in situations like this. My way of dealing with folks nowadays is so much better, because they will never be able to deal with the confusion that I can wreak upon their shallow minds. That’s so much more satisfying. 🙂
